hbd.

i dont give a fuck
my life is a ride and theres no reason to strap yourself in
i can see your bullshit through my eyelids
lame hangs on you like a hot musk
your fucking groddy
and i learned everything i know from lisaa.

C.O.D.Y.

there's cockroaches all over your face, cant you see them? they are pouring out of your mouth in waves washing over me with a sick heat, putrid bile and stomach acid. so disgusting it would be suicide to even admit what was happening in this moment. your lies disgust me.

the joker.

i'm a man of action i suppose if you could stand the loss in saying it. the things that i do, they're for the sake of themselves they bleed into sparked events and chaos reign that make the world a place of inspiration enormous and infantile. if a butterfly flaps its wings on the other side of the world, you might lose your life, but not by me see i don't end things i'm more of a beginning to things yet to transpire. i once walked into a crowded market and yelled everyone get down, just to count how many hit the floor, that i can count on my fingers but the number of people who went home and told their family's all the stories of my gun and their heroism is unimaginable. i've got worries, thoughts plague me, but a worry is nothing until its a problem, and a problem is just another spark. the sky might fall someday and it may be a direct result of my own actions but it could just as easily be yours.

a fist amidst the hands.

i am a fist amidst the hands, i will not be complacent and i know my rights but more importantly i know yours. your life is dictated by the word of the law but mine is defined by the sacrifices i am willing to make in and of my life for the progression of a reformed world where black and white dont tell us what is and isnt but shades of grey work for the greater good and people are given the opportunity to form their own opinions and no longer have to choke down those of the glitterati and "elected" representatives. one man cannot speak for thousands who will not speak for themselves, if you do not have the courage to speak you do not deserve to be counted. an idea formed in your own head by your own volition will be fought for and those not willing to fight do not believe in themselves and i will not believe in them. times are changing, we are running out of rope and its up to you how far you are willing to jump.

Me and Mikayla are heros.

drifting past our faces
laughing at the suns presence
faster and faster my heart races
as the grass caresses me all over
our minutes drift away
following the skyline on their great migration
the clouds look as if they have something to say,
they form to display a flower bouquet?
to dog to boat, to fish to goat
the shapes drift on and reform like all things in time
hah.. that was almost liek a dr. suess quote .
is this supposed to mean something?

self identity.

its amazing how much you can change when you forget who are you. my closet is full of clothes that hang in forms of people i once was, people i don't even know anymore. the people ive tried to befriend, the girls ive tried to impress its pathetic to think my persona was dictated by the people around me and explains why i know absolutely nothing about myself. i'm a stranger in my own head, a foreign object in the layers of my subconscious tumbling farther to the core of the problem. every thought i have is contradicted by the next and i find myself going to great lengths to explain ideas i already know. every day the ice holding up my self identity is getting thinner and the cracks forming in my mind bleed thoughts i cant begin to comprehend. its getting harder to tell my own feelings from those forced on me by my surroundings. i can only hope the future brings more clarity and wait patiently for myself to show up.

i shot the pilot.

this plane is going down, i shot the pilot and the sky is falling fast as blue fades into green you have minutes left. 40,000 feet, and what are you thinking about? loved ones? 30,000 feet, no? thinking about your past, well you have no future 20,000 feet, how about the person next to you? do they even exist right now 10,000 feet, putting your mask on and bracing for impact, you must know that's pointless 50 feet, and not one of you thought to check the pilot.

slow dancing.

hold me tighter while we sway, our hearts don't move in time so how could our feet ever hope to. with every left it seems you go right and i'm so cold without you leaning on me. i'm such a lazy dancer. please just breath deep with me and let your movements dictate mine cause ill spend the rest of my life trying to move with you.

better luck next time.

better luck next time she in so many words. my cards grew cold on the table before she could discard my hearts for lack of spades in my life. she knew my hand couldent beat hers the moment we made eye contact and my pokerface faded into an akward smile that discounted all the bluffs and trump cards i could have ever tried my luck with. shes a brilliant player and now all she has to say is better luck next time.

first kiss.

atleast i know what its like to kiss you
the warm pressure on my lips
the sparks rushing through my blood ignighting every nerve in my body
a catatonic state of no thoughts
the hold you have over me is somthing
undenyable
unending
i might die without knowing what it couldev been
but i wont die with any regret in my mind.

spank

i could see myself falling for you
but then that would be bad
that wouldent work
i could see myself falling for you
but you wouldent be interested
you have someone better
i could see myself falling for you
if only life were simpler
if only i could controll myself
i could see myself falling for you
wouldent it be great.

teenagers from mars.

FUCK IT. lets break shit
cause we can
cause why not?
cause its all coming down anyway
we dont give a fuck
you ruined it for us
we can do our best to buy time
but the fuse is already lit
so im gonna scream untill the sound stops

lovely people.

flower petals hide more than pollen
they hide the culmination of life into a perfect form
beauty belies wisdom and life
vapid forms shade blue leaves
but beauty encompasses all.

humanity

i cant see anymore my senses are failing. each day brings fewer and fewer options, fewer and fewer chances. with every night the choices i've made seem more and more wrong, its almost as if those warnings that fell on deaf ears shouldev been taken too heart, but it's too late for that now so why wont this regret fade from my mind. theres nothing to be done now but to warn the next generation that wont listen.

waking dream.

how many times do we have to tell ourselvs we're alive before we can beleive it. have you ever had a waking dream? one so real that you have to convince yourself you're awake. reality makes sense im just afraid that one day ill wake up.

can you feel it

can you feel it
it's back
crawling through your veins
in your blood
pulsing
every quickening beat warms your body
that oh so familiar rush as it grasps your heart.

The New Love

Across the room she stared at me with amber eyes that spoke of a life of yearning, yearning for something more something better. Time slowed in the room as reality waned for a moment seeking to prolong the first sight. From that moment on i knew she would captivate me through days spent sitting in the sunlight at 2 a.m. where she lay in my arms and our breathing moved into sync . The sun never shines so bright as when the moon hangs high in her eyes. The air carries her words across the room as light as a feather with as much poignancy and purpose as a whisper has ever had. The bane of prince Charming’s existence lies in the eyes of a princess and her sway over his mind. Captivated i must be in action for every second spent wondering is a second wasted not knowing. My emotions; free flowing as a stream, are wrapped around her little finger spun up like a spool of thread.

Nice guys finish last.

I’ve come to a conclusion, nice guys finish last you have heard that before eh? Well okay but more likely than not every time you have heard it it’s been used in a cliché backwards meaning to show in the long term that karma pays off. FUCK KARMA. All i ever do for the girls in my life is try at every fucking turn to make them happy, even at the expense of my own self. Where has all this self sacrifice gotten me you ask? Well let’s see I’ve been cheated on 7 times and I’ve been told I’m not good enough countless more. Do you find it odd how the general gender rules are the guys as uncaring assholes and girls as the loving emotional caretakers I guess people get pissed off when these rules are broken. It’s strange how the more you devote yourself to making a person happy the less the fucking care how you feel. The way people relate to each other is a stupid thing and the more you try and figure it out the less anyone makes sense. I guess I should just be a douche, I guess I should just stop giving a shit about the people I care about and maybe they will give a shit about me for once.

Self Realization.

Free falling through your mind you find things about yourself you never knew you knew but have always known. Self realizations are comforting in small ways but everything that encompasses you has always been there and always will be. Can one thought change your entire life? One dream dictate the person that you are? It’s a fact of life that we want to change ourselves but the bane of our existence that we can’t. Ours lives and ourselves are defined by moments of crises there are few active decisions to improve ourselves and those few are short-lived. We improve ourselves because we have to and because it makes our lives easier. There are things I hate about myself and little I do to fix them staggered efforts here and there are all but helpful and the mind wanders to distant things. I hope you all out there can disagree with me and better yourselves. The sad reality being you can disagree with what i say, but you cannot shake the truth of my words.

Space Invaders.

Nobody thought it would happen like it did, like it does on TV. anyway. We actually held our own for a little while. They didn’t come with giant spider tanks or photon cannons, they had guns just like us they just shot father, hit harder and tore through our ranks like cardboard cut-outs. But there numbers.... they just kept coming eventually there just wasn’t enough of us left to fight anymore. They’ve gone now for the most part, they took what they needed (the remains of what resources we had left on the planet) and now all that remains are scouting parties looking for anything left to steal. It’s been 4 months since they first came. 4 months that’s all it took to destroy and entire race of people, humans are weak on the inside. They came without warning, no diplomacy no negotiations. They say the best defence is a good offence I guess they defended their planet well. We never even knew where it was you know there was a rumour going around that they didn’t even have a home planet, That there population was so vast they just roamed the universe looking for resources to supply there unstoppable growth. An entire civilization of planet pirates, still they must have come from somewhere and as one of the last inhabitants of this doomed orb I suppose all I can do is find out where the enders of life came from. I won’t fool you into thinking I’m some kind of hero or great warrior or anything like that, I’m just a dumb kid who got lucky. It really wasn’t that hard to survive in the months up too now the back yard bunker business has been lucrative in the way that everyone built one and barely anyone used them, all safe, all stocked full of supplies. Our race is down and our time here is at an end it is these sad facts that have prompted me to find out the answers to the questions I have and die alongside my people on my planet. There’s a mine in the town I grew up in I figure if any of them are left here that’s where they will be. As I walk these empty streets you’ll have to forgive my indifference to the decay of civilization around me, I’ve had more time with it than you and I suppose I just accept reality. The only reason I assume there are other people left here is because there’s no reason I should be the last one alive. The mine’s about an hour walk from here which makes it a good thing there are plenty of cars everywhere. I never got my licence not that it matters anymore I suppose. You realize just how pointless our rules and social constructs are when there is no reason to follow them anymore. I can see them now those alien bastards, I’m not worried though if I can see them they have seen me for miles and I’m not dead yet. As I pull up to their outpost (which is much more elaborate then I would’ve thought) 6 men come out to greet me with guns, they take aim. I throw my hands into the air and profess to them “Hold, I wish to die and I suppose at this point it’s only fitting that you be the ones to kill me, I ask you only one thing before I go I want to know who did this? Who could be so evil? And what wretched dark corner of the universe did you come from?” then men held steady but in the corner of my eye I saw someone walk towards me. He stood tall, pressed suit and a half cocked grin that ran too far up one side of his face. As he walked towards me he chuckled to himself briefly before drawing a pistol too my head “I’m sorry, didn’t we introduce ourselves? How rude, well let me be the first too say greetings, from earth”.

Joker And The Thief.

A dark night and a curious man who let out a curious sigh on a curious breeze, as the crackle of gravel under his feet gave way into the country air. The curious man went by many names but for the sake of convenience tonight we`ll call him the joker. Thin and tall the joker walked with a short gait contemplating his situation and his opportunities. he caught a shimmer of light in his up turned eyes that pulled his attention away from the stars. As he glanced to the right a small cottage, once pitch black against the ebony forest blurred into view. As a gleam of light flashed across his half cocked smile he swung his attention towards the homestead and started towards it. *Knock knock knock* the heavy brass door knocker belied the simplicity of the house a lions face stared back at him with each knock, the depth and detail in the small brass figure gave it a piercing gaze , and each time it struck the door the air reverberated through you as if too touch your soul and feel your intentions. A woman answered the door, wrinkles scribed across her face told stories of long years and hard won bittersweet victories, but her eyes pouring into him told of younger years and passionate lovers. ``yes? What can I do for you sir? It’s awfully late in the evening for strangers too come calling” “well milady I do know this and I do apologize for disturbing such a peaceful night but you see I’ve been walking for such a long time through this quiet night air” “so you’re looking for a place to rest your head are you?”. Though the woman’s words rung of concern there was no doubting the wavering scepticism in her voice, “yes indeed miss...?” “Adele, Adele Carroll” “miss Adele I would be truly in your debt and will impose nothing more than a pile of hay on the floor” “well you’ll get a spare bed, through the room this way”. The joker followed the woman through a narrow hallway and up a narrow flight of stairs, ducking in several places for low hanging ceilings he made his way to a room with a small bed. “It’s not very big but it serves in a pinch” Adele regarded the bed with an odd sense of apology; “it’s more than I need thank you” Adele nodded as she left the room and the door clicked shut. A thud broke the midnight air as the heavy brass lion crashed against the door. As Adele burst into the small room; where the joker still slept unaware of the commotion, a cool breeze swept the tears from the rivulets forming below her eyelashes. “What troubles you at this hour miss Adele?”; the jokers words sang relief too Adele’s ears, “someone has broken into the house downstairs I feared you may have run off on some incentive” “it was not i miss but I shall proceed to investigate the disturbance” The joker pulled on his gloves and ushered Adele too sit on the bed whilst he assumed his gentlemanly duty. The joker’s wary steps drew little solace as the wooden floors creaked with exclamations of all the things they’d seen. As he crept through the house it was very apparent whoever had come, had gone just as unwittingly. Adele’s curious defiance pulled her downstairs and as she looked through the house on the flicker of candle light her eyes drifted to a particular empty spot above a fireplace, a spot the once held a prized gold pocket watch, a spot that now held dust. Adele’s whimper drew the joker too the fireplace and his attention to the empty spot. “I take it something’s been stolen then?” “My husband’s pocket watch, my last memento of him”. Though his curiosity peaked the joker decided not to press for information, it was his way not to get involved in the people he depended on. He grasped Adele’s arm “ I shall give chase miss Adele, for the kindness you have shown me I will return the trinket”. As the door swung shut and he broke into stride the brass lions roar was the last Adele ever heard of the joker, perhaps she met him somewhere else, in some other place, under some other name but these questions never plagued her. The watch she loved so dearly swung in the lions mouth a gold metronome keeping time to the events of the night.

Marla

Her stench hung in the air like a stale 20 ferrying dust into your nose. The course wires protruding from her scalp hadn’t seen any liquid but sweat since just about as long as her grime covered face. Fingernails painted black with decay look the same as press-ons in the heat of the moment. Desperation flows like any red carpet dress and she looked more beautiful drenched in it than any starlet i have ever seen. She was stunning, and I couldn’t resist her. In the same way that cavemen clubbed females on the head i would do anything to have her and yet never admit the way I felt or what I did too anyone, especially myself. Fortunately for me her bed was rock bottom and there she lay, helpless, pathetic.

Ever wonder why you have dark thoughts? What’s that? You don’t? Don’t lie to me, your just as bad as the rest of them deluding yourself through sheer curtains made of painted on smiles and broken teeth. I don’t really give a damn if you wanna know I’m gonna tell you anyway. You have dark thoughts because you want to, you crave them you crave what you can’t have cause the populous says you can’t. On the surface you’re quiet and content with your life but underneath you wanna do everything you pretend makes you sick. And that’s why I’m doing this, doing her. Every time you almost die you taste life for a brief second and in that second you wished you fucked her, you wish you’d killed him and you wish you hadn’t hidden behind the mask of humanity. So what are you gonna do after this moments over? Shy away? Put your damn falsetto grin back on? Or are you gonna take her and do everything she wants you too, no i don’t think you will, your pathetic.