hbd.

i dont give a fuck
my life is a ride and theres no reason to strap yourself in
i can see your bullshit through my eyelids
lame hangs on you like a hot musk
your fucking groddy
and i learned everything i know from lisaa.

C.O.D.Y.

there's cockroaches all over your face, cant you see them? they are pouring out of your mouth in waves washing over me with a sick heat, putrid bile and stomach acid. so disgusting it would be suicide to even admit what was happening in this moment. your lies disgust me.

the joker.

i'm a man of action i suppose if you could stand the loss in saying it. the things that i do, they're for the sake of themselves they bleed into sparked events and chaos reign that make the world a place of inspiration enormous and infantile. if a butterfly flaps its wings on the other side of the world, you might lose your life, but not by me see i don't end things i'm more of a beginning to things yet to transpire. i once walked into a crowded market and yelled everyone get down, just to count how many hit the floor, that i can count on my fingers but the number of people who went home and told their family's all the stories of my gun and their heroism is unimaginable. i've got worries, thoughts plague me, but a worry is nothing until its a problem, and a problem is just another spark. the sky might fall someday and it may be a direct result of my own actions but it could just as easily be yours.

a fist amidst the hands.

i am a fist amidst the hands, i will not be complacent and i know my rights but more importantly i know yours. your life is dictated by the word of the law but mine is defined by the sacrifices i am willing to make in and of my life for the progression of a reformed world where black and white dont tell us what is and isnt but shades of grey work for the greater good and people are given the opportunity to form their own opinions and no longer have to choke down those of the glitterati and "elected" representatives. one man cannot speak for thousands who will not speak for themselves, if you do not have the courage to speak you do not deserve to be counted. an idea formed in your own head by your own volition will be fought for and those not willing to fight do not believe in themselves and i will not believe in them. times are changing, we are running out of rope and its up to you how far you are willing to jump.

Me and Mikayla are heros.

drifting past our faces
laughing at the suns presence
faster and faster my heart races
as the grass caresses me all over
our minutes drift away
following the skyline on their great migration
the clouds look as if they have something to say,
they form to display a flower bouquet?
to dog to boat, to fish to goat
the shapes drift on and reform like all things in time
hah.. that was almost liek a dr. suess quote .
is this supposed to mean something?

self identity.

its amazing how much you can change when you forget who are you. my closet is full of clothes that hang in forms of people i once was, people i don't even know anymore. the people ive tried to befriend, the girls ive tried to impress its pathetic to think my persona was dictated by the people around me and explains why i know absolutely nothing about myself. i'm a stranger in my own head, a foreign object in the layers of my subconscious tumbling farther to the core of the problem. every thought i have is contradicted by the next and i find myself going to great lengths to explain ideas i already know. every day the ice holding up my self identity is getting thinner and the cracks forming in my mind bleed thoughts i cant begin to comprehend. its getting harder to tell my own feelings from those forced on me by my surroundings. i can only hope the future brings more clarity and wait patiently for myself to show up.

i shot the pilot.

this plane is going down, i shot the pilot and the sky is falling fast as blue fades into green you have minutes left. 40,000 feet, and what are you thinking about? loved ones? 30,000 feet, no? thinking about your past, well you have no future 20,000 feet, how about the person next to you? do they even exist right now 10,000 feet, putting your mask on and bracing for impact, you must know that's pointless 50 feet, and not one of you thought to check the pilot.

slow dancing.

hold me tighter while we sway, our hearts don't move in time so how could our feet ever hope to. with every left it seems you go right and i'm so cold without you leaning on me. i'm such a lazy dancer. please just breath deep with me and let your movements dictate mine cause ill spend the rest of my life trying to move with you.

better luck next time.

better luck next time she in so many words. my cards grew cold on the table before she could discard my hearts for lack of spades in my life. she knew my hand couldent beat hers the moment we made eye contact and my pokerface faded into an akward smile that discounted all the bluffs and trump cards i could have ever tried my luck with. shes a brilliant player and now all she has to say is better luck next time.

first kiss.

atleast i know what its like to kiss you
the warm pressure on my lips
the sparks rushing through my blood ignighting every nerve in my body
a catatonic state of no thoughts
the hold you have over me is somthing
undenyable
unending
i might die without knowing what it couldev been
but i wont die with any regret in my mind.

spank

i could see myself falling for you
but then that would be bad
that wouldent work
i could see myself falling for you
but you wouldent be interested
you have someone better
i could see myself falling for you
if only life were simpler
if only i could controll myself
i could see myself falling for you
wouldent it be great.

teenagers from mars.

FUCK IT. lets break shit
cause we can
cause why not?
cause its all coming down anyway
we dont give a fuck
you ruined it for us
we can do our best to buy time
but the fuse is already lit
so im gonna scream untill the sound stops

lovely people.

flower petals hide more than pollen
they hide the culmination of life into a perfect form
beauty belies wisdom and life
vapid forms shade blue leaves
but beauty encompasses all.

humanity

i cant see anymore my senses are failing. each day brings fewer and fewer options, fewer and fewer chances. with every night the choices i've made seem more and more wrong, its almost as if those warnings that fell on deaf ears shouldev been taken too heart, but it's too late for that now so why wont this regret fade from my mind. theres nothing to be done now but to warn the next generation that wont listen.

waking dream.

how many times do we have to tell ourselvs we're alive before we can beleive it. have you ever had a waking dream? one so real that you have to convince yourself you're awake. reality makes sense im just afraid that one day ill wake up.

can you feel it

can you feel it
it's back
crawling through your veins
in your blood
pulsing
every quickening beat warms your body
that oh so familiar rush as it grasps your heart.

The New Love

Across the room she stared at me with amber eyes that spoke of a life of yearning, yearning for something more something better. Time slowed in the room as reality waned for a moment seeking to prolong the first sight. From that moment on i knew she would captivate me through days spent sitting in the sunlight at 2 a.m. where she lay in my arms and our breathing moved into sync . The sun never shines so bright as when the moon hangs high in her eyes. The air carries her words across the room as light as a feather with as much poignancy and purpose as a whisper has ever had. The bane of prince Charming’s existence lies in the eyes of a princess and her sway over his mind. Captivated i must be in action for every second spent wondering is a second wasted not knowing. My emotions; free flowing as a stream, are wrapped around her little finger spun up like a spool of thread.

Nice guys finish last.

I’ve come to a conclusion, nice guys finish last you have heard that before eh? Well okay but more likely than not every time you have heard it it’s been used in a cliché backwards meaning to show in the long term that karma pays off. FUCK KARMA. All i ever do for the girls in my life is try at every fucking turn to make them happy, even at the expense of my own self. Where has all this self sacrifice gotten me you ask? Well let’s see I’ve been cheated on 7 times and I’ve been told I’m not good enough countless more. Do you find it odd how the general gender rules are the guys as uncaring assholes and girls as the loving emotional caretakers I guess people get pissed off when these rules are broken. It’s strange how the more you devote yourself to making a person happy the less the fucking care how you feel. The way people relate to each other is a stupid thing and the more you try and figure it out the less anyone makes sense. I guess I should just be a douche, I guess I should just stop giving a shit about the people I care about and maybe they will give a shit about me for once.

Self Realization.

Free falling through your mind you find things about yourself you never knew you knew but have always known. Self realizations are comforting in small ways but everything that encompasses you has always been there and always will be. Can one thought change your entire life? One dream dictate the person that you are? It’s a fact of life that we want to change ourselves but the bane of our existence that we can’t. Ours lives and ourselves are defined by moments of crises there are few active decisions to improve ourselves and those few are short-lived. We improve ourselves because we have to and because it makes our lives easier. There are things I hate about myself and little I do to fix them staggered efforts here and there are all but helpful and the mind wanders to distant things. I hope you all out there can disagree with me and better yourselves. The sad reality being you can disagree with what i say, but you cannot shake the truth of my words.